Goals and Missed Opportunities

For the past 14 years, I've had a yearly goal to lose weight and get in better shape.  Every year, it's been a failed goal.  It's something I want to do, so I keep putting it back on the list of goals for the year, but it's obvious that I haven't wanted it enough.  Here I am so many years later and I wish I was in the condition I was in 14 years ago.  It just keeps getting worse and there really are times when I don't understand it.  I've been more active in the past 5 weeks than I have in a very long time and I'm actually a pound heavier than when I started, making this the heaviest I've ever been.
One of the other goals I've had repeatedly over the years was to get out and do more things with my kids.  See more things.  Have more fun.  But here's the rub...  I'm not comfortable doing a lot of things I'd like to do with them.  Either I just physically can't do them or it's embarrassing - both to me and I'm sure to them.  I'm missing opportunities with my boys that I will never get back and I hate myself for that.
And even though I feel like I've been here before many times.  It's time for me to put forth an honest effort.  No fibbing about it - not even to myself.  If I give this an honest effort and I'm still not seeing any progress, I will look to other options.  It does freak me out a bit that I haven't lost ANYTHING in the last 5 weeks.  You would think that I would lose a lot at first since I have it to lose, but to even gain...  I am getting older and it is expected to get harder to lose weight.  My birthday is coming up and this is not what I wanted see when I look into the mirror at this age. 

Stop your whining!
So, it's time to get militant about it!  It won't be easy and I won't see progress by cutting a few things out of my everyday diet.  I need to either make sacrifices or shut the hell up.  I was cute once - I'd like to see that girl again.  So here goes...

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