Face Book
I've recently decided that Face book isn't all that healthy for me. I know it sounds ridiculous, but reading the high point of so many other people's lives, somehow makes me feel lonely and it reminds me that I'm not really close to anyone other than my boys and my parents. I think that loneliness really permeates my life at times. I think I'm going to step back from it. I don't want to get rid of it completely since it is the only way I communicate with some people, but we'll see how stepping away goes. Maybe I will delete it - there were many years when I didn't talk to people I knew living overseas as a kid and it was just fine...
I'm in this weird stage of my life when I feel like the older I get, the more I doubt myself. Of course, being the person I am, I over-analyze everything and have come to the conclusion that I was amazingly self-assured growing up because nothing in my life was permanent. If I didn't like a place or a person or a group of people or if they didn't like me, it was no big deal. I'd be moving soon... Now, at the ripe old age of 34, I'm pretty much settled. I'm not going anywhere. There is no escaping anything or anyone that makes me uncomfortable. I chose this though. I could have followed in my dad's footsteps and enlisted in the military. I could have applied to the State Department. I wanted this novel stability for my kids though. I had this idea that they would grow up with the same kids, with our family being friends with the same families all through their childhoods. It doesn't work that way though. Maybe it used to or maybe I'm just incapable of giving that to them. I don't know. All I can do is try to appreciate all the good things in our lives, and teach my kids to do the same and kind of get off the self pity ride. There are really good things in our lives. Maybe it isn't what I pictured it would be, but it is still pretty darn amazing.
I'm in this weird stage of my life when I feel like the older I get, the more I doubt myself. Of course, being the person I am, I over-analyze everything and have come to the conclusion that I was amazingly self-assured growing up because nothing in my life was permanent. If I didn't like a place or a person or a group of people or if they didn't like me, it was no big deal. I'd be moving soon... Now, at the ripe old age of 34, I'm pretty much settled. I'm not going anywhere. There is no escaping anything or anyone that makes me uncomfortable. I chose this though. I could have followed in my dad's footsteps and enlisted in the military. I could have applied to the State Department. I wanted this novel stability for my kids though. I had this idea that they would grow up with the same kids, with our family being friends with the same families all through their childhoods. It doesn't work that way though. Maybe it used to or maybe I'm just incapable of giving that to them. I don't know. All I can do is try to appreciate all the good things in our lives, and teach my kids to do the same and kind of get off the self pity ride. There are really good things in our lives. Maybe it isn't what I pictured it would be, but it is still pretty darn amazing.
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